Do you always attract someone with a fear of commitment?
Fear of abandonment and fear of commitment are more related than you might think.
You are dating a super cute person. But when you want to make plans for the two of you together, propose to get to know each other’s friends, or ask if you are actually together, the other suddenly comes up with a story that he or she does not want a relationship. And that while you thought you were having just as much fun — the story of your life. I think we have all experienced it, but it seems to happen to some just a little more often than others. Are you always unlucky enough to attract people with a fear of commitment? So that has a reason!
The cause is probably not something you would expect, but something that will help you a lot. You yourself are the person who can do something about “the problem.” To know what’s causing the problem, it’s important to understand commitment anxiety and separation anxiety.
Fear Of Commitment.
If someone has a fear of commitment, that person finds it very difficult to bond with someone else. He or she likes you but doesn’t want to lose his or her freedom. Even though you are having a great time together, a serious relationship does not seem possible. Someone with a fear of commitment is afraid of being rejected and anticipating that (potential) rejection. They never want relationships to get too intimate because it makes them vulnerable, which is exactly what someone with a fear of commitment doesn’t want. Often this is due to an event from the past.
Fear Of Abandonment.
The name separation anxiety actually says a lot. It is common in children, but there are also plenty of adults who suffer from it. When you have separation anxiety, you are afraid of losing someone. This often concerns the person you are with, but it can also be family or friends.
Fear of separation often hides behind the fear of commitment. That does not mean that everyone with fear of commitment also has separation anxiety or vice versa. Indeed, the two often attract each other. Someone with a fear of commitment draws someone who has separation anxiety and vice versa. It is not consciously happening, but you recognize each other’s behavior. This creates a kind of magnetic attraction. The person with a fear of commitment repels someone, causing the person with separation anxiety to pull extra hard. You will try harder to keep someone until you are done with it. And then the person with a fear of commitment comes back, only to repel you.
Recognizable?
Do you recognize this situation? Then there is a chance that you suffer from separation anxiety. You fall for someone with a fear of commitment because you yourself are also afraid of binding yourself. By falling for someone who is not available, you will not enter into a “real” relationship, and you cannot get hurt (you think). So you actually protect yourself so that you are not (again) abandoned.
What To Do About It?
To solve “the problem,” it is important to take a good look at yourself. Do you agree with any of these signs, or do you always fall for unreachable people? Then consider carefully whether you may have a share in this. If you don’t do this, it will keep repeating, and you don’t want that. So take a critical look at yourself and try not to point too much to someone else. Someone must really go all out for you; otherwise, you better distance yourself from him or her.
